In daycare the kids are doing a unit on safety. They are learning about strangers.
Before we hiked Pilot Butte the other day, Blake told me a long story about how when you climb into the center of the earth and meet a stranger, you should never talk to them. Don't talk to strangers! So I asked him: Blake, what's a stranger? He had no idea.
While hiking Pilot Butte, we passed dozens of strangers. And we said hello or nodded to every last one of them. Some of the strangers stopped to admire Sasha and to wonder whether she had hiked the whole way by herself. One stranger yelled after me to catch her, that a car was coming down. (We hiked up the road, since we had the baby jogger. It's a one-lane paved road with no guard rail.) One stranger picked my son up when he tripped.
So. I can't teach my children not to talk to strangers when I talk to strangers all the time -- when, in fact, I sometimes rely on strangers for help. But clearly they need to learn to be wary of certain people.
Yesterday I left the kids in the car while I ran into the cleaners. (Silent conversation with self: I parked in the spot immediately in front of the building. I can see them through the shop windows. If someone tries to take them, I can yell loudly enough to be heard. I can be out the door in an instant. If Blake tries to climb out... Etc.) Before I left, I asked Blake if he knew what to do if a person he didn't know tried to open his door. What, Mom? Scream as loud as you can, Blake! Scream as loud as Sasha.
In other words, for the moment I have decided to tell them not to go with a person they don't know. Not to take anything, even candy, from a person they don't know.
What do you think? My kids are just 4 and 2.
6 comments:
I don't particularly agree with the whole philosophy of teaching young children to fear strangers. The fact is that a four-year-old or a two-year-old is going to be helpless to resist an adult anyhow -- at this age, they need constant supervision.
I do think it's important to teach them to trust their instincts and their feelings. "If you are afraid of the scary clown, that's okay. People dressed in costumes are scary. When you see someone that makes you feel scared, come hold my hand or the edge of my t-shirt."
I never used to push my kids to talk to people out of politeness or anything like that -- I always told them to listen to their feelings and what their body was telling them -- that it was okay to feel uncomfortable and back away from a situation.
There was just an attempted child abduction down the street from us, so I've been debating how to handle off of that besides not letting C and A out of my sight and keeping our alarm on at all times...
I think Jo(e) is right on how to handle it all...
I've been wondering about this since I read Dani's post. Your point is a great one -- I try to be friendly with the people we encounter during the course of our day, and I want my kids to feel like they can, too. I'll feel safer about giving the kids more freedom around the neighborhood knowing that store-owners and the pizza guy and the mailman know who they are and where they belong. So how do I teach the kids to be careful while also allowing them to feel like they're finding a place in the community? And also without scaring the crap out of them?
Ultimately I think jo(e)'s solution is the only one that will work for me: teaching the kids to be aware and trusting of their instincts and feelings. But I wonder if that will be enough. LG is pretty suspicious of new people and unusual situations anyway, but Baby Blue may need more explicit instructions when she's old enough.
I completely missed Danigirl's comments on this subject. They were here: http://momm-eh.blogspot.com/2006/04/kids-on-loose-in-hood.html
It's a good post and she got loads of useful comments.
jo(e), I like that idea of teaching kids to trust their instincts. That's what we do as adults, right?
phantom scribbler, so nice to hear from you! I have that theory too -- that Blake is more likely to be returned to me after one of his wilding sprees if everyone knows who he belongs to. (When my husband was Blake's age, he ran off with a friend & was returned by a police officer who knew his dad. So there's a precendent for it!)
chichimama: That's shocking. God, how awful.
I found one website that had some useful tips--or what look like useful tips anyway, what do I know? Frances is only two--about strangers:
http://www.safety-council.org/info/child/strangers.html
They do suggest that kids be taught to honour their instincts wrt other people, including people they know; also that they're taught what to do if they ever do become separated from their family (i.e. memorize phone # and address, seek out someone in a uniform or working in a store, etc.). They seem like reasonable things.
But ask me again in two years, when it actually applies to me!
My beloved and I have this discussion all the time: in today's society, would you teach a child to seek out a police officer if lost? I'm not sure that I would. "Bad people" come in all kinds of packages; a uniform is no kind of guarantee. I'm liking this instinct concept. I'm of the opinion younger kids have "louder" instincts than adults anyway b/c they don't have the cultural experience which teaches about rudeness - a concept which is so often the reason why adults find themselves in trouble.
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